Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
