it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
