you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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