Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
