It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Barsexuality is the new black.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
