Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
