Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
