Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
