Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
