So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My ass is underappreciated
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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