is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
