i jhust puked up my retainher.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I've blown a few things in my day
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
