He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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