Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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