They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
