90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
