It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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