He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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