just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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