i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
A bitchslap is in order.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
