I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
