I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
