he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
