Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
