i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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