Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
