Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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