i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
