You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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