Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize