i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
