I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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