you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
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