If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
