I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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