i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
