In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
