The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
