In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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