Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
