tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
