i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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