she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
