Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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