right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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