I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
