She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
