The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
