i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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