I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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