oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
