just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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