I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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