My friends, they love my intelligence
Nicole vs. Life
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Randomize
