Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize