I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
