you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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