I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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