College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
