I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
