I don't think brook has ever known best
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
