babies were throwing up all over the place
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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