The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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