I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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