why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
