OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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