I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
you made out with another girl for some wings
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
