So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
