I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just googled if crying burns calories
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
