Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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