I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
