My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Is it penis luge time yet?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
