She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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