I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
