fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I wear drunk well.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
