I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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