im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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