I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize