and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
