You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
