hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize