It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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