Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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