I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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