wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
